Nothing to Say... -----by Rey Don'tSay (the Saturday guy)

Writing’s hard. Coming up with something to write about is hard too.  

You see, I had an agenda about writing for this blog this week. An idea, per se. When you begin thinking and writing about stuff, other stuff pops in your head.  I worked and worked on my first blog last week, trying to produce something worthwhile and of tolerable quality.  Still, I kept realizing one thing over and over:

All the interesting things for me to write about are all about my diseases and suffering and stuff.

What did I have beyond all that?

Well, heck. Those are worthwhile subjects, and I have a WHOLE lot of personal stories and history and plain just insight into those dank, dangerous worlds.  But what else?

Is that all I am?

Thinking about it all week has led me to believe that it might disturbingly be true. Disease, and the dealing with it, may actually BE all that I’m about.

Sure, there’s movies, entertainment, music, and books to blog about, but the other writers in this Consortium are already covering much of that ground.  It seems too early for a crossover adventure. I don’t wanna step on toes. (I hoped you remembered that I’m paralyzed and I can’t ‘step’ anywhere.  Shame on you if you didn’t.)

I don’t work. My work history’s pretty shoddy anyways.  There’re reasons, of course, but that veers into mental health stuff.  More disease. We’re trying to stay away from that. For now, at least.  (It’s not that I’m not willing to talk about that subject, because, again, I’m leaving that for the future. We’ll get to it. There’re truckloads.)

The question is, what am I right now?  Outside of this disability-ruled universe?

The answer, sadly, (who knows WHAT you’re dodging, hah?!) is...um...nothing. Really and truly.

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing


So, let’s talk about nothing. Whaddya say?  You’ve got nothing to lose, don’tcha?  (snicker)

What does nothing mean to you?  There’s actually quite a lotta something there...if you pay it a little attention.

On the surface, it can mean the absence of stuff, of something.  Or the removal of it.  Like loss.  A person gone. Legs that won’t walk. (Dammit, no diseases, ya big dummy!). Those kinds of nothing hurt like hell.

Sometimes the nothing is a goal.  Clear your mind. Stop stressing. Let it go.  They’ve made a whole religion out of it.  Emptiness. Detachment. Nirvana.  Almost a connection to the void, huh.

Sometimes your dreams come to nothing. Nothing is working right.

Whenever they say, “Nothing is wrong with you” or you say “Nothing’s the matter,” it’s almost always the opposite, huh.  We LIE about the nothing not being anything! Oh, nevermind, it's not important.  Back off. Don’t bother me. (Please help!)

Another one we use to push people away is “There’s nothing I can do…” It’s a version of “I wish I could do something to help…”  Oftentimes there IS something, but we can’t think of it, or it’s too hard to do. Too messy.

“Nothing makes sense.”  Sometimes.

“Nothing you say is gonna make any difference anyway.”  That’s exactly what I’m saying.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do…” what I’ve been talking about. Get your lazy butt up.

Here’re some quotes about nothing. Warning: You may get a headache sorting out some of them. https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Nothingness

Here’s one from Mark Twain that got me a-shakin some:

“There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought — a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities.”
      --The Mysterious Stranger

That’s a bit of a downer, huh.  My favorite quote was this one:

“It is, no doubt, an immense advantage to have done nothing, but one should not abuse it.”
       --Antoine de Rivarol, Preface to Petit Almanach de nos Grands Hommes

I think I've abused my nothing card writing this article.


So what? What does nothing mean to you, Mr Rey, Saturday guy?

Well, I'm glad you asked. (Don't they always say that?)  Nothing is something I do, somewhat unconsciously, for the most part, I think.  That's most likely not true. I don't do nothing for nothing. You see, living requires effort. It takes a shitload of effort to get me up and going on a typical day.  And when I am up, and living, I have to face the fact that I'm a disabled person in a wheelchair.  I'm not the ambulatory tap-dancing fool I used to be. I have to embrace this new (hell, it's been 4 years) fucked-up identity. I have no choice. It's something I hate about myself and my situation.  So doing and being nothing is preferable. In my bed. Helpless. You see, I'm afraid. I'm a coward. Nothing is a blanket. A wall.

There's a price. Loneliness. Sadness. Maybe madness.

Dammit. I completely blew the "not talking about disability" thing.  After reading what I'd written at the beginning it was kinda bland. (It had nothing going for it. I'm shameless.) It needed a personal kick (well, I can't kick, but I can spasm...).  It needed some honesty. I hope you don't mind and forgive me.

Anyways. That’s enough of all this nothing for now. I’ve offered you nothing at all, really.

Still, I hope you got something. Maybe just a little something. Something to think about.  Because, to quote, Freddie Mercury…

Nothing really matters.  Anyone can see.  Nothing really matters...Nothing really matters...to me.

(Any way the wind blows……..GONG G G G G g g g g …)

Rey Don'tSay (Nuthin')

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