A touchy subject
I asked a friend to assign me a topic to write about since I'm stumped. She said sex. She's young and beautiful, so naturally, this is what is on her mind. Sex is touchy, a sensitive subject for a blog post. I'm a private person, and what I share here will be a general kind of sharing. Sex is one of the best things that can happen to a person, the closest you can get to someone else. When you are known and loved and desired, well, what can be better? In most cases, there will be a broken heart, but don't let that stop you. Hopefully, you'll have friends to help you patch it back up. You can lose interest in sex, too, out of world-weariness, depression, illness, aging. It does make the world go around, though, so I said I'd give it a whirl. The world is permeated with sex. Sex sells cars, clothes, makeup, probably even tractors. It even makes you crazy, when you're young. Opens the world and sometimes closes it, if jealousy gets pathological. Crimes of passion. The drama, not always fun. At one time I had a bisexual lover and the funny thing was how hard it was trying to figure out who to be jealous of when we went to parties. The even funnier thing about it was, it cured me! I suddenly saw the game of it. If you can just keep a little spark of jealousy alive it keeps things... interesting. How funny! I wasn't expecting something like that, but it's true... and I didn't expect the long term benefit would be to realize what an excellent teacher jealousy is...but, let's back up.
I have been in an alone-Garbo phase for over a year, now. It's been so peaceful. I've been able to focus on so many other things: career, beliefs, my emotional undercurrents, my motivations, my neuroses, my other desires -- in other words, long-overdue attention to the rest of my life. Most people do a much better job attending to all of these things at one time than I do. I don't know why I can't, or couldn't. After my young adulthood seeking a partner who would live up to my ideal, or not, hey, you're the right kinda crazy for me, I did marry. As a young mom and wife, I spent enormous energy creating a home for us. Making it cozy, welcoming, nourishing. And time happened, it did its thing - erosion. Historically, I've been a very other-oriented person. And since adolescence and the inescapable (unless you're Amish) cultural immersion in the stories and movies of my time, steeped in romance. I was a slave to its persuasiveness, from childhood. I wanted to prick my finger on a spinning wheel. I was a kid who indulged heavily in daydreams of a romantic nature. Of course, the stories tell you you will find a charming person who will fulfill all your needs and desires, even though you also are encouraged to find worthwhile endeavors outside of that. But it's as if some other brain says, yeah, go ahead, study science, but this... THIS is what counts. I command you to seek me first and never forget me. Science may help you live a little longer, but I make the world go around, you know.
This old lady has lost her train of thought, so my friend, we'll pick this up later... I leave you with this:
the fun
a scene from Moonstruck, my favorite romantic movie
~Oldgirl
Early next April will mark a full decade as a widower, with death ending a monogamous (well, I can only speak for myself) relationship that lasted over 31 years. The past nine years have been ones spent coping with the day-to-day, rebuilding resources drained by years of predatory "healthcare" practices in the U.S., and feebly trying to make of myself a whole person again after having grown for so long as part of a symbiotic being. I got a little bit of a running start on some of it due to my Sue becoming largely disabled for those final five years.
ReplyDeleteOh, while I certainly had my moments, I never really went through any genuinely sex-crazed years, teens or otherwise, smacked hard and evocatively with a puberty stick. I just sort of rolled smoothly through it. By most reports that's not how it rolls for people in general.
I'm so repressed on much of it, though, that it's easy for me to think that that aspect - existing as a sexual being in a relationship - is fully, completely and comfortably in my past. From my vantage point it sometimes seems more trouble than the moments of bliss were worth. Still, I fell into that relationship largely by chance, and it just took. I have so far to go in reclaiming, reinventing, rehabilitating and/or rejuvenating myself that even if I manage to put in that effort and achieve any of it it'll likely be too late anyway. I miss the companionship far, far more than the sex, though the intimacy was vitally important.
Yeah, yeah, TMI. Well, YOU started this.
I'd forgotten how much I'd enjoyed MOONSTRUCK, too, though I don't think I've seen it since 1990 or so.
On the other hand, while Ann Margaret definitely has the appeal, Elvis kills the mood for me. My mom was a big Elvis fan, but I respected her taste more when she was into Tom Jones. The Presley appeal, even just as a voice, has always largely been lost on me. Admittedly, I was never his target audience.
Thank you for you candid response, and yes , I did start this! Hahaha. I am in the same comfortable spot myself, that you describe. I can’t complain at all. Other than the fact that I’m i. Florida and not crazy about it. And That’s pretty funny about Elvis and your mom. This movie, Viva Las Vegas, sort of catapulted me into a long term fascination with bees and birds. And, Tom Jones is super, I might add. Except for Delilah, and Green Green Grass of home. Those songs depressed the hell out of me.
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