The Fly On My Nose--by Bryan F.
Annoyances can be useful. When a Buddhist sits in meditation a fly can be a welcome invader to deepen the focus to attain a deeper meditation.
Thich Nhat Hanh a Buddhist monk and author, in his writings, which I hold in high regard, talks of the value of staying calm and focused even in wartime; something he experienced first hand.
I was reminded of this useful perspective on annoyances and disturbances when I noticed a neighbor parked in front of a dumpster here in our little community a couple weeks ago. She was obviously in pain and nearly unable to walk as she exited her vehicle, grasping the exterior for support, cane in hand, to make her way to the trunk area where her bundle of trash was located. My instinct was to ignore her and keep walking my dog. Not because I’m one of those people that do that, but because we have a history going back fourteen years to when I first moved here.
She took a disliking to me even though I have never had a conversation with her. She has repeatedly reported me to the manager for the tiniest infractions and some that were just made up. I guess I let my Grandma’s dog that I was walking shortly after I moved here urinate in the road in front of her house. I always carry bags for the other stuff, and she apparently has this germ phobia that is not normal. She also believed that I was not of legal age to live here in this senior community when I moved here with my Grandma in 2006. She believed it her duty to see me removed for violating the age rule. She of course was just speculating on my age and had no proof. She challenged the then manager for allowing me to live here as my Grandmother’s caretaker. I won’t go into any further detail except to say I have never confronted her or had any, one on one interaction with her, until the other day. I have been told by residents and one manager, we’ve had three during my time here, that she was out to get me evicted. I have never worried though, because I do follow the rules and have some close neighbors that adore me.
But it still can get to me a bit when she causes problems. I have also considered homophobia as another possible motivation on her part, even though I suspect she is, “A friend of Dorothy’s”, as well. I don’t usually share that part of me here because of the demographics, but I also don’t hide it. I did tell my next-door neighbor that I was gay when he went on a transphobic hate binge in front of me once. He never spoke to me again, we were very good friends. He’s gone now though, so I don’t have to deal with him, but he probably spread it around.
She took a disliking to me even though I have never had a conversation with her. She has repeatedly reported me to the manager for the tiniest infractions and some that were just made up. I guess I let my Grandma’s dog that I was walking shortly after I moved here urinate in the road in front of her house. I always carry bags for the other stuff, and she apparently has this germ phobia that is not normal. She also believed that I was not of legal age to live here in this senior community when I moved here with my Grandma in 2006. She believed it her duty to see me removed for violating the age rule. She of course was just speculating on my age and had no proof. She challenged the then manager for allowing me to live here as my Grandmother’s caretaker. I won’t go into any further detail except to say I have never confronted her or had any, one on one interaction with her, until the other day. I have been told by residents and one manager, we’ve had three during my time here, that she was out to get me evicted. I have never worried though, because I do follow the rules and have some close neighbors that adore me.
But it still can get to me a bit when she causes problems. I have also considered homophobia as another possible motivation on her part, even though I suspect she is, “A friend of Dorothy’s”, as well. I don’t usually share that part of me here because of the demographics, but I also don’t hide it. I did tell my next-door neighbor that I was gay when he went on a transphobic hate binge in front of me once. He never spoke to me again, we were very good friends. He’s gone now though, so I don’t have to deal with him, but he probably spread it around.
Even with all of that, I was unable to pass by without at least offering some help, partly because I had heard she had given me a compliment when talking to a neighbor, recently. Something about the yard that I maintain for my brother who now lives across from her, since the death of my parents, who lived there before. I thought, maybe this could be the moment that some healing could take place. So I said, “Can I get your trash for you” She managed a groaning, “No”. I said, “OK”, and kept walking but she managed to blurt out very clearly, “Stay back”, as I walked away, as if I was creating a threat.
A week or so later, I began to think of it from a Buddhist perspective. That she is my fly, that she has helped me to practice staying focused and calm when chaos comes visiting. I'm also learning to let go of things that don't make sense or add up for me. That one is a lot harder with the brain that I have. It's just not my responsibility to figure out all the crazy, though.
Thank you Janet for the gift of your distractions and all that practice that has helped me to learn to stay more calm and focused and to be a better person.
Oh, and please remove that damn tRump flag from your yard. Some flies are too obnoxious to be tolerated.
I appreciate this post very much, viewing many of life's obstacles and hurts in the very same way. I am a reader of TNH and Chogyam Trungpa and Dilgo Khyentse. Thank you for this good story, my friend.
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