If I had my druthers

If I had my druthers, I'd go back in time and play golf with my great-aunt Dot. I'd ask her to teach me. She and her 3 sisters were very sharp card players, phenomenal housekeepers, and avid readers. Dot and my grandmother, Liz, were equally elegant dressers, but my aunt was more slim and athletic. The sisters had the same denim blue eyes, but Dot's were piercing and direct, unlike my grandmother's, who always had a either a twinkle of humor, or a squint of concern in hers. Dot had perpetually tanned skin, a little leathery. I think she drank daily, probably a cocktail or two. Occasionally when she visited she'd get a little tipsy. That's when she'd cup my chin and offer to take me to a beauty parlor and get my hair done. I think this was when I wore it long and parted in the middle or close to it. I wish I'd asked what she had in mind.  Hers was a chin length, permed, graying bob. She had married into moderate wealth, and her husband would later in life raise quail which were sold in the back of New Yorker Magazine and places like that. His name was Garland, and I barely remember him at all. Somehow, I ended up with a few pair of Dot's golf shorts which she'd had tailor made for herself. They are a nice bermuda short length with pockets; one pair in linen , a print with gold flowers, another pair in cream with a pale gray stripe, and another pair in pure white cotton. I keep them in a cedar chest which I occasionally open and peruse. Sometimes I'll try on the golf shorts. Most of my life they were too big, but they are now a little snug.

If I had my druthers, I'd say exactly what was on my mind and not worry about how it would be taken. Somehow, I think this a goal imposed on me, whether I know it or not. I suspect, like everyone else born on earth, there is a list of things I need to figure out before I die. Things I need to do for my own good. I am probably just denser than most. Too often I will not have any idea how to respond to someone or something. I try to figure things out about it, like what is their motive, did they really mean that the way it sounded, how in the world could they believe that, etc. It has done me no good really to just stand there, wondering. Except it has kept me from the discomfort of their reactions. I thought of this the other day when a friend of mine described to me exactly what I would do in a given scenario at work, in detail, and then ended it with, "No offense, but you're just too passive." Hmmpf. She was right. But there's also a chance that on her list of things to figure out, is the goal, "don't think you're right about everything." Aunt Dot would probably have told her that, just to keep the situation in hand...

~Oldgirl